Depressed after broken relationships?
I fell like I am back to life now again and finally I am over my pain, depression, and obsession of man. What can I say? It was experience and experience in life makes you stronger, more mature in life. After falling down, you stand up and stay stronger than before.
One moment I was so happy actually with my life. I thought everything is going so great. I quit drinking, I quit smoking and I get a job position what I wanted. After work I did some sport, spend some time studying and self-development, prepare healthy food for the next day and go sleep earlier to rest well. On the weekend I met with a guy with whom I feel really happy. I thought everything is going great.
Only what was disturbing me that that guy actually didn’t want to be with me in relationships so fast – as he said to me. He likes me but he wants to enjoy life – Malta. As he just moves here. I thought okay I will wait, I understand everything. But soon I realize that only way how he wants to spend time is on Friday evening because we have sex. He was the best man what I had in sex. He was really amazing and of course, I understand that experience does not come from nowhere. I was positive thinking – I thought in previous relationships he learned that as I didn’t want to believe that he had so a lot of sex partners from what he learned.
The reality is…
In time I just understand that he likes every second girl. The way how he comments other girls, he hides friends on FB, but I can see suggested friends from him in FB and that are all girls, he spends time in tinder, and then I add him on Instagram and realize that he follows a lot of High-class girls. Likes them. He goes to a party every Saturday night. And last time I saw him in a party place. I saw walking him drunk, smiling and scanning each girl passing by and I just realize the reality. He is a fucking slut. Okay, I didn’t catch him to sleep with someone or something but it was enough signs that he is like that. I text him that I saw him in Paceville (party place) and he said “Noooooo” I ask him “What no?” and he didn’t replay. I understand that there was something more than he just scanning girls and that’s why he was surprised that I saw him. He didn’t write to me anymore and I didn’t write to him also.
Sadness, depression, anger…
I was so sad about all this. The feeling that he just used me. In the beginning, he was so nice to me that he could not even believe that I really want to meet with him. And he tried to do everything and be so nice to me as much as he can. Hug like no one every hug me, kiss like no one ever kissed me. I thought that I am important for him but then reality comes out. He doesn’t give a shit, we slept and that’s it – he loses interest and now wants to continue to enjoy life but for me, it was too late. I fall in love and feel like my heart just broke again…like all previous times. Like all my unsuccessful life. I go sleep to think about him, I wake up with thoughts about him. I wait for everyday a message from him. One day, second day, week, two weeks. I start to smoke again, smoke a lot. It was so hard not to start to drink again. Nothing – he just doesn’t give a shit. I feel so depressed, could not work, could not do sport or study, I stop cooking and just wanted to stay in my room and don’t see anyone I was crying so much. It’s just impossible to describe my pain.
I actually knew that he is not good enough for me. At the beginning I wanted to meet with him just because of sex and my first thought was – he is 38, working at the same position as me, no apartment, no car, probably he is a party man who is good in bed and he will not want to have relationships. How it’s possible to predict like that just from looking to someone?? But I was right…I was fucking right. Now I am back to life. I hope it’s not just 2-3 days, but will stay like this. This was experience and what I learn from this experience that I knew everything straight from the beginning but still, I involve myself in this situation. I knew that it will hurt but still continue to meet with him.
Learn from your mistakes. Higher power always knows what is better for you. I trust it. I always say to myself – I should go threw this because my Higher power has something much better for me. I need to get a lesson, put your head up and go. When I look back to my life – all my sadness in the past leads me to a place where I am and to the person who I am right now. And I am definitely in a better place and mental health then I was before when I just wanted to dye every day.