It is hard…
It is so hard to alone all the time. You believe that you are strong, you try to believe in yourself that you will stay strong. It works actually. Believe me, it works if you say the right words to yourself. If you talk to yourself if you say that you can do it. One day you will understand that you really can do things. Also, there will become one day when you will break, broke completely and you will cry. Cry because you want that someone just hugs you, someone just loves you, talk to you, cares about you and help you.
Trust (no) to people
Should you trust people? I would say no. You can trust only people who already prove themselves in many years. You never can trust someone whom you just one month ago met somewhere. Doesn’t matter women or man it is. People have two faces. All people have their dark side which they will not show you. If they want to be your friend/lover/boyfriend, of course, they always will try to show their best side of themselves. I am that person who trusts no one at the beginning. I am always suspicious about something. I also know my self that I am not people lover, that one day I like someone and the next day I don’t. Its easy for :)) That is why I don’t have many friends, also I don’t want fake people around myself. That is thing what I learn in AA.
Better than being in an unhealthy relationship is being alone. Be alone, trust only to your self and do everything by yourself. Spend your energy to yourself, self-development, and thinking about improving your life balance, improve your self as a person. Better person. I have spent my energy in the wrong directions until I was drinking, and “dating” with guys. I date but still was feeling lonely, because I didn’t feel love and that rare times when I started feeling something to someone I didn’t receive the same back. Then I spend the time to get over that, to be sad, crying, drinking and thinking that I need to find a new guy with whom date. What a waste of time it was I would say.
AA or anonymous alcoholics
Some years ago I came to AA. Believe it or not but it changes my life completely. I change so a lot from that time. Someone would say – you change because of your age, but it’s not true. I also understand that until 24 years old what I had – 2 bachelor degrees I get, good work, no man, drinking problems, depression, stressed feeling constantly every day. I looked terrible. Day by day I didn’t look better. Until 24 years old all my life was work, studies, drinking – that’s it. When I quit drinking somehow I find more free time to take care of myself, even to do laundry it takes so much time and I didn’t have it because I had hangover always. Before even that I didn’t do often. Also, I had free time to think and take actions to change my life. I did it. I quit my work, I stop communicate to all friends with whom I was drinking, I find a job in another country, I move to another country. I came to this country alone, didn’t knew no one. Now I am on the way to open my own business here. I am scared that it could not work out but I have to try it. I have to do it because that is how I feel it now. I feel ready for that now. Wish me a piece of good luck to start a new thing
Anyway, I feel lonely, I don’t have many friends but I don’t want also a lot of fake ones. I don’t have relationships but I also don’t want fake ones. I feel different than most of the people in this world. I don’t know where is my place. I try to be strong, but I broke sometimes also. And this is one of those days. I feel sad. I can understand also other lonely people in this world, so if you feel like that also you can always text me 😉
Thank you for reading,
Best of luck