I loved drinking wine with dinner. Actually, I loved just the process. In Malta, all wines almost are dry wines. I hate dry wines. Another thing is Blue Nuts with bubbles. I hate bubbles. So … in a place where is so a lot of wine around I could not find any delicious wine. After 6 months drinking wine here in Malta, I understand that I want something delicious. And of course, I start with my favorite drink – rum with cola. Last time when I drink rum with cola I just drink one glass and I thought “omg.this is so delicious” then there was another glass, then another, and another and we finish in the restaurant and buy a bottle of rum and drink the whole bottle of rum. I wake up with so big hangover and I always afraid of that hangovers. I straight away drink again little bit, then again little bit to feel better. I feel already much better but I wanted more.
I actually was on the date with one guy who was for work in Malta and I get so drunk that I wake up in the hotel with him, we had something like sex but nothing good. Just trying to had it :))) Next day I took taxi home, bought vodka, beers and come back home and all day drink. I fall in sleep then wake up and drink again, call someone, talk stupid things, at the same time drink and again fall into sleep and wake up. All day was like that. Then all night I could not sleep but the next day I needed to go to the work. Even the next day I had a bad hangover, it was a hard day at work. Really hard, I smoke but feel so bad about that. After that weekend I understand – no I can’t drink.
This is Blue Lagoon cocktail in the island Comino, Blue Lagoon. Was very delicious.
Next day I go to AA in Malta. I feel sad because I understand I can’t drink I can’t smoke and I need to stop it. I am killing myself with all these addictions. I don’t have energy because of smoking, I waste my free days with hangover and drinking. No-I doesn’t want it, I hate it. After a long time, I start going to AA. I keep going there. Before I already hated that place actually, but now somehow it’s different. I love AA. Maybe the difference is that I start to talk there. Three years ago I came to AA and never talk there. This time I thought- I am in another country, no one knows me, I don’t care what these people think about me and I need to talk. It was hard but I did it. In the silence when everyone is open for shares (for talking) I said “alcoholic *****” and then I understand there is no way back. I need to talk now. My voice was shaking I was really worried, but I start…I start talking in aa and could not stop, then I realize that I already talk 10 -15 min. It was a long time. When I finish I feel like so relief. Could not even describe how much better I feel. I also understand that is one of aa magics. People come here, talk here, share life and they know there is always a place where they can come. Today 14th day without alcohol and cigarettes and I am grateful to aa.
Thanks four reading,