Drama Queen – Mother!

I hate…

Hate, hate it. Always when I am visiting my parents in my hometown at least once I will have to argue with my mother. She is manipulating with her health. Each time if I say something that she doesn’t like she became sick. She pretends that she cant breath, her heart is hurting, she wants to vomit, she is crying and moaning and saying she is dying. Ask to call emergency. How many times in my life she was daying like that and suddenly mobile phone is calling and a miracle happens – she recovers very fast. She talks on the phone like nothing would happen.

I understand that she wants to pay attention to herself. She wants to love her but it is gone already. I can not. I love her from distance but I can not listen and talk to her even 10 minutes.

Earlier…

Earlier when I was living with her it was a nightmare. All the time she keeps reminding me that I am addicted to her. If she bought me new jeans almost one month after that I needed to work something at home (actually I needed to work all the time) otherwise she takes away from me that jeans. Each time when we argue she takes away my things. I was all the time being reminded that I am addicted to her and I am nothing compare to her. I am stupid childer and if she gives me something then she keeps reminding me that she give it to me.

Now I grow up and I don’t want to talk to her at all. I live in another city, I have money and I am talking on the phone with her because she is my mother but usually I talk maybe 2 minutes. I visit her in my hometown because she is my mother, she visits me in the city. There is nothing more with what she can manipulate then her health. And last 8 years while I am not living with her anymore she is manipulating with her health. She is calling me always and telling how bad she is I should worry about her, why I don’t care how she feels, why I don’t call her, what kind of daughter I am and so on. She can talk about her health from morning until the evening. At parents home, we have a pharmacy already and she is like a drug addicted because at home we have all kind of pills.

At our home, we have 5 living rooms but each time when she is checking blood pressure she demonstratively comes in that room where I am and check it in front of me.

I also could talk and talk about my mother. I hate and love her at the same time. I don’t understand why she can not see the problem in herself, there is a fault in everyone except her. Noon is treating good to her. NO ONE. Only she is smartest and the sickest and everyone are laughing at her as she is thinking. She is thinking like that but it is not the truth. Everyone is dancing around her and do whatever she wants.

Yesterday my father said to me that in morning early we will wake up and he will drive me to another city 300km and I will not need to think how to get to the city where I am living now last 8 years. Ten times I asked mother and father if they really want to go, both said – yes why not. We don’t have nothing to do here tomorrow we will drive you there and came back.

Until the late night, I was watching TV, sitting with my laptop on the internet and my mother after every 20 minutes screaming from her bed: „ Go sleep! Go sleep. Why you are not sleeping still. We need to wake up early“. Yes, in morning it was hard to wake. I get out of bed last one but my mother was just sitting in the kitchen and eating. She wasn’t ready. I go into the kitchen and she asks me: „Will you take me with you?“. And I replied: „If you want to go, you go, if you don’t want, you don’t.“ Then she starts to give me pills as always I get angry and said that I don’t need that pills I am not drinking any pills and I don’t need them but she keeps giving me them even I hundred times said I don’t need any pills. She goes to bed, start crying there and sleep.

I continue to get ready, take all my staffs and when I was ready she suddenly start her theater – she was crying, cannot breathe, she is dying, that’s if she is dying. I just said: „Yes, yes and after 5 minutes when the phone will call you will be good again.“. It makes her angrier and she becomes “sicker”. I became angry again because I hate all these situations I am watching it all my life and I am not reacting to them anymore. I go out of the home. I wanted to cry.

I tried to keep my self not to cry and I am trying to not cry right now while I am writing this. I am driving in the car with my parents right now, writing this and want to cry.

I come back home and she is still dying but get ready herself to drive with us. I thought she is not going with us but as it always happens at last minute she decides to go. Two minutes ago she was so sick and dying but now she starts to dress up but keep talking how sick she feels. She was waiting while I will beg her to come with us.

Ahh, it is hard to write even all this…I can not keep myself. I want to cry. I was crying sooo much in my life because of my mother. Two times I tried to do suicide. I promise myself – do whatever needs to do but DONT BE THE SAME AS YOUR MOTHER!

Thank you if you reading this,

Monroe :*

2 comments

  1. That’s a very toxic mother/daughter relationship you describe. Moving away was a good solution. Less contact even better. It is hard, I know, when it’s your mother. As you say you love and hate her all at the same time. That must be so confusing. I hope it is better for you now.

    Like

    • It is not much better now. It is better when we just speak on the phone but I cannot be next to her 10 minutes. I almost hate everything that she talks what she says, how she acts and also I can not change it. She doesn’t want to listen to me even I tried to talk to her. It is hard because it is my mother. I am crying about that often but when I was living with her I was crying every day. It was not a happy life.

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s