How easy is left everything and move to another country ?

       In next week I am moving to another country. I don’t know for how long time, in the beginning, I think I will stay there for one year. I thought I am so brave that I can leave everything here and just move to another country. I thought I am. I was dreaming about that. I started hating my previous work even I had a good work but after almost 5 years working there, I wanted something more. As I liked traveling and I saw the little piece of the world I understand that I can not live in one country I should try live abroad. I should try to be by myself and try to survive somewhere where no one knows me.

I thought so…

61pKNJY6oCL._SY450_      Now I am afraid because actually I was used to living already in comfort. I had a stable job, average salary, 5 weeks vacation, can be ill if I wanted, can take a free day if I wanted, can finish work earlier, can come later. I had a great boss and good team. My team was males, I liked work with males together there are no intrigues, gossiping etc. In my vacations, I was traveling and somehow I became so brave that I want something more, not average people live. I find a job in another country, not better job what I had before but with little higher salary. In general after renting apartment salary will be the same as I had in my country.

Why I want to leave?

       I was tired of everyone. I can not find someone who would think the same as I think. I don’t feel happy in life. Maybe it was because I didn’t have a boyfriend. Maybe it was because I didn’t have a love. Maybe, maybe who knows…no one knows. But also I wanted to escape from my mom. It was terrible when I was living with her first 18 years of my life. Then I move to another city 300km away at the beginning still nothing changed because I feel that she is still controlling affecting my life and do not allow to live me how I want. My studies, my work, my life was not my choice – it was choice of my mother. Somehow she affects every single part of my life. I feel like I don’t make any decisions in this life. The only decision was start travel and when I start travel I feel free, I start feeling that there is so a lot of other works in the world. Also better, also with a higher salary.

      My country is not only one place where to live and be happy. Yes, it is my home but in this home, I don’t feel happy. I love my country, I love my family but as I do not feel free from my mother even 300km away I start thinking that I need to move further. I start to feel better when I was living in other city but still, it is hard because I was living in apartments which she bought. Probably if I would have good relationships with my mother I would not want to leave.

      I am afraid how it will be there – in another country. More I afraid that I will stay without money or in very hard work. I will be stuck there and will feel like life start from the beginning, from 0.

Here in my country, I had like routine life. I was working, I had some hobbies, I could allow to myself some things that I could not allow myself before – gym, manicure, pedicure, restaurants, cinema, cosmetologist, expensive cosmetic etc. But I was living in my mother’s apartment with my brother, I didn’t have a car because I wanted a fancy car and didn’t want to buy a cheap car and put money in that shit all the time. In general, I had an average life but I wanted something better.

Now is it easy to leave everything? No, it is not. I want to cry but there is no way back.

Thank you for reading my posts,

Monroe :*

One comment

  1. Travelling is nice. Moving to a whole new country IS scary. My family moved to the other side of the world when I was a little girl. Everything was different, including the language. But we got to know it, like it, learnt the language and it became our home. I know many people who have done what you are planning to do. And do you know what happened? They were not happy in the new country, so they went back to their home country. And they were not happy there either. So they moved back to the new country – this yo-yoing between countries did nothing for them. Everywhere they went, the unhappiness went with them. That’s the problem. If you are moving to escape what’s inside of you, it will come along no matter where you are. If you are moving because you want adventure, change, a new start that’s good. But don’t expect it to be easy and don’t expect all your problems to disappear. I wish you well whatever you decide to do.

    Like

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