I feel like I am living in a harem.
Okay, here I don’t mean traditional way of word harem. Single women life full adventures. Usually, I write my diary, when I feel like shit. Okay, I don’t feel like shit this time but again after a hard party weekend, I start thinking what I am doing and why I am doing that kind of thing. I like the feeling that I like someone (actually which women don’t like it?). Ahh I cant date only with one man. I understand that I even not dating want, not sex, but just party on weekends with guys. I like to be the only women in the company or if there are other womens too then I like to be in the middle of the attention. How I can wish to have serious relationships if I can not say no to myself when it is weekend and I have an opportunity somewhere to party with guys. I love to be single women. (Okay, not always).
For example, I have a man Karl (I wrote about him in the previous post) with whom I am dating, everything is okay but at the same time other men offer me to go for dinner (I am not rich, I like to eat for free :D:))? Why not? Why not just go and eat in the nice restaurant especially when Karl never offer to go eat somewhere outside of the home. (Stupid thinking but it is true).
For example, previous weekend I was drinking wine with my friend. She lives also not so far away from me. Karl was busy that evening that is why I even didn’t write to him because I knew he cannot meet. SoI get little drunk with my friend then I was going home and decide that I don’t want to go home. I wrote to my neighbor Artur ( I also wrote about him in the previous post). Artur was partying at home with his friends and he said: “of course come to me don’t go home”. I thought okay one hour and I will go home.
Artur – okay, I know he likes me, somehow I like him too, I like sex with him but if I want something serious with him…I am not sure. At the same time, I like to spend time at his home. I thought I will just sit one hour but I was there two days 😀 He had two friends at his home and they also pay attention to me – I like it 🙂
At the second day (Saturday evening), I came back home little relax and suddenly start calling one old friend/guy. Let’s give him a name Alex. I wanted to meet him, but somehow all the time we didn’t meet for a long time. One time I didn’t want, other time I could not and I thought: “Okay I have free Monday we could meet finally”.
Okay, I drive to his home and at the beginning, I feel like a slut who drives to men apartment. Three men drinking and look at me with so horny eyes as they didn’t have sex for so so long time. They all look so handsome that I thought they could not be any problems to get sex. One of them just come back from Tenerife with a great tan. Alex seriously are asking me a question: “which one from all of as you like and with whom you would love to have sex?”. Alex, I knew many years but other two guys no. Alex was asking again and again to answer a question, he expected that I will reply that I like better him. I didn’t want to reply at all to that question but at the end, I reply and said that I like better his brother. Alex was not happy and he became angry.
If I would not know Alex before I would really think that they call me like a slut who will come and we will have a sex but I knew that Alex didn’t think about me like that. Just this time he became drunk and don’t understand what he is saying and what he is doing. I even thought that it is not only alcohol that it could be something more than alcohol because they really weren’t adequate. I said to Alex that I feel really uncomfortable that they are talking and acting like that, so they stopped. Fact that I could have sex with anyone I want from them really liked 🙂 I didn’t have sex with no one of them.
At the next day, Alex offered to me be together with him, move in his apartment and help to grow up his one-year-old son. I said that I could not be a nanny I don’t know even what to do with children but he actually even didn’t care that. Today Alex again called me and offered to meet, I said that I don’t have time but actually I didn’t want.When there will be the weekend when I don’t want sit at home I will call him and probably we could meet.
Anyway, I don’t want nothing serious with Alex. Some years ago I wanted, but he had a girlfriend. He said he will break up with her, but that was just words and no actions. Now after some years when he finally broke up with her he thinks that I still want to be with him but no I don’t. I didn’t want but I wanted just meet him. Wtf. about what I am talking…I have a man, Karl, with whom everything is okay, we are dating but only one weekend we could not meet because he was busy and what did I do?! I go to my neighbor Artur (yes, we had sex) and spend there two days, later come back home on Sunday and meet with Alex where I also spend the night (no, we didn’t have sex). Karl, of course, do not know about that but wtf. how I can create serious relationships if I am doing all this?! What kind of serious relationships can become out of all that? I really want serious relationships, I don’t know, I don’t understand my self. How can someone with this chaos in head live, tell me, please ? I feel like I am living in a harem. All the time mens is around but at the same time I am single women.