Polygamy and my Santa Barbara (01/11/2012)

I think I am polygamy women…

      There are a lot of polygamy men, why It couldn’t be also polygamy women? I have such feeling, not only feeling but I am almost sure that I am one of them. I really can not imagine that I could be trustful to one man until the end of my life. Live only with one man and never date anymore with no one ??!!! Yes, probably someone will say – ouu you just need to meet the right guy, get in love with him and then you will see. I think it is not my case. That is not even problem or somehow related to sex, it is about attention or I don’t know even how to explain it. I like that feeling that I like to someone, that someone is trying to get my attention, trying to be good to me, try to show himself better in my eyes, offer to go somewhere – dinner, cinema, some sports activities, concerts etc. But if I would be with one man then I just should say “I have a boyfriend” and that’s it – nothing would continue.polygamy

My Santa Barbara right now!

      I met one guy in my job. Let’s give him a name Artur. Artur starts to pay attention to me, we start texting on phones, then we find out that we are living very close to each other. In the beginning, he offers to meet, but I didn’t want at the beginning…I shy and afraid of him. After some time we finally meet, I stay the first night at his home, we had little kisses and that’s it. Then I was little mad at him because he could not offer to meet on the workday evenings and I didn’t reply to him for two weeks. On this two weeks, I meet another guy – let’s give him a name Karl. Kar is super sweet men. Each time we meet we have fruits, wine, a lot of sweet kisses, hugs and nice movie in the evenings. In morning I had a kiss, coffee, and breakfast in bed, massage. Of course, I understand that he is doing that because he wants faster to get sex.

      After two weeks Artur again reminds of himself, but I had a feeling that I fell in love with Karl but that didn’t stop me to again visit my neighbor Artur and stay all night there. (We didn’t have sex, but we were kissing). With Karl, I still continue to meet. He starts to get sad and angry that I do not agree to have sex with him. He starts to think that I don’t want to have sex with him and if we will go to another stage of our relationship then how often we will have sex?! It is important for him and he will not be satisfied with having sex only once in a month. Yes, now he can wait because probably I am not yet ready, but if it will be like this all the time…He was thinking like that all the time.

      There was a situation when Artur offers me to come to his home again for a glass of wine. I feel bored at home and thought “okay I could come for just one hour”. I go to his home, we start talking, drink wine and somehow we drink all bottle of wine and then start drink whiskey, after whiskey, we start kissing and…and…somehow we had a sex. 😀 In the morning I came back home and I feel so bad because I thought: “wtf what I have done? I really liked Karl, I want with him serious relationship and everything is going like that, everything is fine but at the beginning of our relationships I cheat on him.”

All day I was thinking what should I do now. Should I tell Karl what happened or no? Of course, I understand that I would be a stupid idiot if I will tell this to Karl, he will not be any more sweet and nice to me, he will not kiss and hug me anymore and probably he would not want to see me anymore. I thought definitely he should not to know this. At the same days evening, we meet and I feel so bad inside, so fucking bad, I could not look into his eyes and at the end, it became so hard, so hard but I told him everything. Of course, as I thought before he suddenly became different. He said to me before that I should not go to Artur home anymore because he doesn’t believe that we are just friends. Fuck, but the worst thing about what I forgot is Karl. Karl thought we are dating, he is trying and doing everything to me and I still don’t have sex with him, but with Artur, I just visit him at home, drink and everything happens. Can you imagine how hard I hurt him men’s ego?

      Right now Karl needs time to think about everything. To understand how he feels and what he wants with me and what should we do next. Artur doesn’t understand where I have been missing two weeks because I don’t reply him anymore after that night. I can not imagine what he is thinking why I don’t reply him anymore. From one side I think Karl will forgive me because actually, we weren’t a couple, we just dating and in reality, he can not say to me with whom I should date, he understands that also. If we would be a couple then he officially could be really mad at me. I think we will continue to date, but I am not sure that I could continue to not reply Artur anymore because actually, I liked to sit at his home, talk, drink and yes, we had sex but fuck I also liked sex with him. To Karl, I promised that it will never happen again if he will forgive me but in my mind, I am thinking that probably I am lying and maybe it could happen again.

Ahh that is my Santa Barbara right now…Am I polygamy women or it is just my games and I don’t love no one in this situations? What you think about polygamy?

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