Relationships (12/09/2012)

Lonely LifeWhy I need a boyfriend?

      I am looking to my girlfriends and thinking they are old or not old, but feel themselves like they are really grown up. They want and pretend to live grown-up people lives, but in reality just go out from kindergarten. For me, it looks funny. Plus or minus 20 years, but one already get married, other live together with a boyfriend, third is pregnant and fourth already have a kid. GIRLS!!!!! Why need so rush in life? Why everyone wants to get married as faster as can? For what???

         Another side is – did you saw what kind of guys usually that 20 years old girls have? These guys its hard to call “men”. They are also still kids. They like to show up and find out who has a longer dick.  This “lucky” couple lives in his or her student apartments or in apartments, which their parents pay. In the best case, both are studying, but usually just one studying, other don’t study or both just don’t study and lives on parents money. Maybe one of them are working and other sit at home and are interested only in parties. What a lucky and prospective family. I don’t know how it is in other countries, but that is how people live in post-soviet union countries.

        Earlier I was stressing that I don’t have a boyfriend, that I don’t have a serious relationship, but now somehow I feel calm

Loneliness

 down. When I look around sometimes I am just happy that I don’t have relationships. I have just little more than 20, how I could think about weddings and serious relationships or even kids when I am still kid?! I have a friend who at 18 get married and on 20 get divorced. Successful story 😀 There are a lot of situations when from outside looks everything so serious, but suddenly people divorce and in short time find new “love”. Why need so rush I don’t understand?

        Yes, every woman wants to get married, but if you are together one year with someone it doesn’t mean that it’s your all life love. Especially when you are not living together. When you just bought a car she is also very cool at the beginning, she is also not bad after one year, after two years okay still not bad its driving still and you could drive with it many years probably more, but after 4,5 years there is a lot of younger, better, prettier, faster cars and you start thinking should I take new one baby or live with this one old. I also understand why I cant find relationships, it is because I am still not ready for them.

How I want?

        I know I will get it one day. My life goal is to be independent one day, today I don’t know how I will get it, but I know I will be independent one day. ” I have my own apartments, my own car which I bought for my money and no one gives me it as a gift.  I work for myself, not for someone. I am a person with big “I” and I have an opinion about everything. Right or wrong but opinion. I love to do sport and music. I love the sport because I enjoy it and not because to lose weight. I love myself how I am. I am satisfied with what I have and don’t want more. I am living a happy life. Enjoy my life.” That is how I imagine my self in the future and when I will reach at least half of it, only then probably I will be ready to be in relationships with mens (but maybe with womens, who knows, you never know 😀 ). When I can give something to the men not only take, probably then I will be ready.

       Sounds like fantasies? Probably. It is not how it happening in the life? Probably that is true also but if I will take at least one sentence from my fantasies, then I would feel that some or at least part of my dreams come true with whom I would feel happier. A lot of girls sit at home and look “great” and guys are hard working to give that princess that freedom of doing nothing + of course guys should work on relationships too because womens need attention too + flowers+breakfast in bed+romantic dinner+perfect sex+go out somewhere+shopping+compliments often and wat that princess gets back? Perfect looking and great for sex women? Really mens, you need that little? Okay, I am not saying its bad if there is a mens who like that why not, I am not judging them. I am just saying that I don’t want that kind of relationships where I feel zero and I am addicted to men. Right now I feel zero that’s why I am not ready for a relationship. I need put to myself value. Of course in life there, a lot of different stories and situations and you can not put in one place everyone.

P.S. I have a headache from this writing already that’s why I will stop writing, probably its all bullshit what I am writing here and tomorrow I will write how great is to get married in 18 years old.

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