One more broken relationship.
Strange, that I want to write my diary only when I feel bad (now I am ill, that’s why also physically I feel like shit). Again I feel that shitty, depressive mood I will have for some time, and again I will complaining, crying and bla bla bla about how shit is life, how everything is bad. I start to believe that the luck often visits me, but at the same time, bad luck comes so often to visit me. I start seeing those guys, with whom I start dating also start to get lucky, okay but not about that.
Again one more relationship broke up if I can say that it was a relationship. A guy is about nothing – he is from the countryside (okay doesn’t matter), he is not working, studying part-time. I understand that I liked him only because he was so sweet and kind to me. If I take out that one characteristic of him I don’t know what else would keep me to him. I didn’t like that he was so uncultured, the feeling of shame is generally minimal, he is gossiping about things that do not usually need to know to everyone, he self-criticizing all the time, he has a bad situation with finances, but why he is saying to me all that… he does not have to show it so much and even more to a girl whom he doesn’t know so close.
He is with a small height, trying to be sweet guy 😀 There are so many things what I didn’t like in him, but still I thought I can live with that because he is so sweet to me and nice to me. He not forces to sex, he is nice to me and I don’t care about other things I will use to that things later.
Then suddenly he became cold to me, not so sweet anymore. Straight away I feel that something is wrong and there is no that big sweetness anymore, no that big interest anymore, and in general nothing. He said I am too cold to him, I don’t allow touch myself and I don’t want meet as often as he wants (but fuck all my work days is busy instead of him, who is not working and studying in workdays). I tried to change everything, but it was too late. He didn’t call and text me first anymore. I offer to him stay just a friends and he without any doubts accepts it and that’s it… no calls from him anymore. Great, I even didn’t understand where was my mistake, but in fact…I feel really bad about this situation because the guy, who is nothing in life…even that kind of guy don’t want with me serious relationships. Actually, this kind of situations really affects my ego. Sad, I feel really, really sad. Not only because I really wanted to be with that guy, but because even he doesn’t want to be with me.